Easy, tell her you want to fuck her best friend.

Lightsabers are plasma energy. I don't think they should count as a laser, which are light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation.

"One dubious courtier mocked her outright, saying that the Queen's pregnancy would 'end in wind rather than anything else."

Maybe the dad is 120 years old did you think of that smart guy?

And we'll leave confusing signs to the prospective intelligent life that evolves over there

My favorite theory is the one that says Kennedy actually survived the attempt, but then his reputation was tarnished as his various foibles came out while he was still in office. Thus, history did not play out as it should and things went rather to pot. And so, to fix it, Kennedy himself was brought back in time so…

I take it Albert is trying to wretch away Gregs crown for biggest pretensious asshole on Deadspin. It's no shorts rant but it's a contender.

Listen, dad, there's a middle ground to be had here. The key is to chug the first beer to get things rolling, then ease into a more sustainable pace. Only a true scrub would make this such a binary issue.

Irony: see Irony.

Fuck this guy who knew the thing was a typo.

No reasonable person thinks they're getting tickets to the SCF, in NY of all places, a week before game day for a freaking $1 per ticket when every other ticket on the site is currently going for around at minimum $1600. You've maybe got an argument if he listed them somewhere even in the remote range of what…

Guy makes $300 profit for 3 minutes work; complains anyway.

Guy Knowingly Buys Mispriced Tickets and Loses Them; Complains Anyway.

Man. Lebron on the Thunder would constitute an absolutely devastating frontcou- THAT GUY EATS HIS OWN CUM!!1122/!?>??

Also hate when people don't specify Paris, TX or Rome, GA.

Holy cow! Yes! He's looking into the camera with a shocked face or something! That's so goofy!

This is all about sucking, so I'll begin with me, in a parking lot...

"That's the thing you have to remember about professional sports. Whenever a team wins the title, you know who always gets to hold the trophy first? THE OWNER."

In a college PE class, we had a rec day and played kickball indoors with a volleyball. Because apparently my school couldn't afford dodgeballs. At least they weren't Wallyballs (volleyball-sized handballs).

Been a huge DP fan since New Mutants #98. Ask anyone who knows me, I am a DP junkie. I maintain that Kelley was the worst thing to ever happen to Deadpool. I get so much flak for that, with the typical being 'How can you be a DP fan and hate Kelley? Kelley invented Deadpool!' I point out that 'Pool was around for…