I’m basing my support for them on the fact that he says they could have called him. Therein lies the hallmark of every narcissist father. If you’re the parent, you’re the one who picks up the phone, you’re the one who visits, you’re the one who is there.

Um, he's being a fucking animal, and you should not stand for this.

Chris Brown and Drake should date

My childhood got significantly happier after my parents divorced.

+1 on Ryan and I'll add John Stamos to that mix. 100% homo for those two.

Non-venomous snakes can still bite; it's just not as dangerous.

Is it just me or is that a stoned ice-cream sandwich?

WHEN IS THE GOS COMING OUT OF HIDING ALREADY. WE NEED HIM.

I kind of wish people would stop doing school shootings.

No. No they don't.

I just drove 10 miles to pick up Arby's for lunch because I had a craving! Team Arby's!!

Misread the headline as "California Sriracha Factory Declared a "Pubic Nuisance".

Someone at Rolling Stone is confused about how to spell "dawg" and it's very off-putting in context.

Wow. This is the first and probably only time I'm gonna say you fuckin' go Kanye.

Also, I get annoyed at the 'X IS YOUR NEW BFF/BOYFRIEND' articles.

I've always wanted to ask this, but I was too afraid. I'm going to take a chance and ask anyway. Here goes: Is Jezebel's target demographic privileged white women? Many things make me think that. I'm just curious is all.

"Let's take pictures of our butts." - Two adult women

Arizona manages not to fuck something up!

Dear everyone losing their minds on this article: fuck you. Short jokes are still funny. I will continue to make short jokes. "Heightism" is not a thing. Eat a big old smelly dick.

PS. Do you think if the two of them had a kid, it would produce the Littlest Who in Whoville?
PPS. So, is Bruno Mars Mattel's attempt to…