I am mostly anticipatory with a  dollop of dread. I want his head on a goddam spike at the end of this. GO HILLARY!

My toddler had started saying yuck when I try to kiss him and it’s the most devastating rejection I’ve ever had.

I couldn’t figure out why a mustache was so upsetting... you mean porn stash! :)

I still find it chilling that it’s not a landslide win.

I don’t currently have any sneakers in the life cycle that are ready to be moved from workout or daily usage to mowing sneakers. Until I’m ready to buy a new pair of sneakers this is just a risk I must take.

oh my god, don’t mow in flip flops, you animal.

Correct Way to Wash:

1. Hair, as needed. Mine is thin and prone to oiliness, so daily.
1a. Conditioner and other treatments, if necessary
2. Face, with a washcloth & face soap
2a. Face mask, if necessary
3. Pits, crotch, underboob, assorted cracks and folds, with soap and hand
3a. (any actively dirty spots, such as paint,…

I am now very concerned about the mowing in flipflops bit. YOU’LL CUT YOUR TOES OFF!!!

If people can name kids Brick and Rock and Stone, I think Anvil is perfectly fine, and superior because it is made out of metal.

Why would you apologize for that?

You’re doing God’s work

Khal Drogo.

Three cheers for Jason Lee! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!

Poor Harvey Korman never could keep it together.

Any sketch in which Tim gets Harvey to crack up is the best. So....all of them. Personally I like all the Oldest Man sketches.

She really is the queen. And that team she put together was just amazing!

God damn they were good. I absolutely LOVE the sketches where they try to not crack up. THE BEST!

I feel sorry for kids who didn’t grow up watching The Carol Burnett show reruns on off-brand network television.

Nah, stop worrying. Michelle Obama is way healthier than any of us and will outlive us all.