Grew up in a low-income Black neighborhood where multi-40 nights were pretty common occurrences.

Or maybe he got transported back to his home dimension?

I can’t believe this guy would do something like you describe.

I didn’t come here expecting to hear about cricket, but you know what? I’m down.

Must be all the Corn Nuts and Gushers I’ve been eating.

No, no, none of this. One can only hold disdain for any Democratic platform that isn’t “AOC or GTFO.”

What I feel is a near constant tingling in my extremities. Also, hunger for bacons. 

Six donuts in one hand, half a dozen crammed into the ol’ crap factory.

I also call my circulatory system the “police station,” because it is statistically very likely to kill a young man of color.

Damn good color symmetry between the Gametime Snack and Cheap Beer of the Week.

Same all around, and add being a black man compelled to root against a black QB who I really wanted the Eagles to draft. This just makes me hate the Cowboys that much more.

This is the best take on the anti argument.

It’s also my cousin’s birthday, and she not only stole my “family baby” thunder, but also screwed me out of an inheritance due to completely legal but completely dickish reasons. So yeah, a day that will live in infamy.

Some excellent turns of phrase, and “cultural arteriosclerosis” is definitely going into my back pocket, but the real treat of this article are the big-mad comments that go something like “Why do you even watch football if you hate it so much????”

That’s Tom McCarthy, and he’s no Harry Kalas, but he’s pretty great in his own right.

It’s kinda like the Crocodile Paradox.

To be honest, this whole question of “using a Kleenex properly” has me questioning my technique, and everything else I thought I knew about life.

I also had literally just sat down after a 30 minute exercise in “Is this the best word” for a speech I wrote that I am absolutely certain won’t be recited faithfully. So, yeah. Words.

I don’t even think kids use nicknames these days.

The GOP strategy is now “I’m not the Russian, you’re the Russian.” Man, America rules so hard.