Besides, and tangential to, his self-proclaimed expertise in every subject under the sun, it really irks me when he says things like “it would be so easy if...” Really underscores his childish outlook on the world. 

Nailed it.

Pretty much always the answer.

And faithful to the core.

I don’t know shit about komputors, and that was literally the first thing I thought.

At least, that’s what they want you to believe.

You da real MVP

Early, and subject to nighttime star lag, but still underrated

And this is how empires fall; not with a bang, but with a wicker candle holder.

Yeah, after a hearty meal of the souls of said hildren.

Well, he's definitely a favorite in the long jump to an irrational conclusion, and a good bet for the 50 meter dashing my hopes for this country's future. 

He meant it in the “movie version of the Mafia” sense of, “We’ll take care of you real good if you don’t stop your talkin’, capisce?”

Who are you, me on a deadline?

Stuck the landing real good on that one.

Honestly, redface and a pitchfork might make her somewhat endearing and more understanding. But even Satan is like “Dude, you can’t be that obvious. There’s a subtlety required to get to the top of the evil game.”

And smirking while he’s asking legitimate questions—even giving her a chance to explain herself or throw someone else under the bus—like a fucking ghoul.

She is the personification of “missing the memo.”

FTFY, karma.

They were actually commemorating the average score of the matches held on the field.

But but..I thought the rural and middle America poor were the hardest working of all of us. Salt of the earth, backbone of our country, God-fearing, etc. And now they are irresponsible? I’m so very confused.