If Lisa Rinna mentioning how she got more for being in a Depends commercial than any paid acting gig in her career is any indication, she dancing intestined her way to being debt free.

Guys, my (Latino) husband doesn’t know it yet because he’s not home, but our couples Halloween costume is now Nasty Woman and Bad Hombre, this nightmare election is finally giving me something useful.

read this as “rusty croissant,” which does not sound as scary

On va enculer ce mec avec une tronçonneuse rouillé?

My wife and I recently lost our twin boys, Anton and Colin, at 20 weeks gestation. They were handsome, they were healthy, but my wife had an unforeseen and undiagnosed incompetent cervix despite being on bedrest for most of the 20 weeks, and we were advised that we need to deliver or we would lose three lives instead…

I’m so excited for this. Liane Moriarty is my guilty pleasure, I’ve read all of her books. Plus I love that Reese Witherspoon has been producing all of these projects promoting female writers. The cast is A+ too. I just wonder where it’s set since it’s obviously not Australia. California, probably?

I think now more than ever that women about to turn 30 and single or their careers aren’t going anywhere are much more vocal about the struggle of being lonely and watching all your friends go through those big life moments and feeling depressed as to why you’re not progressing. The studios have caught on to that…

AMEN. double spacing forever.

I learned to type in the mid ‘90s, and the computer program I used taught me to double space after sentences.

That was the standard we were all trained to use in my high school typing class, years ago: two spaces at the end of each sentence. Nothing to do with lawyers, specifically. I wrote all my high school, college, grad school, and professional papers that way. We were also trained to put two spaces after a colon, but…

I can just hear all the attorneys in the firm yelling “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSNAAAAAP!!” at this letter.

His Christmas card this year is literally just going to be a screen shot of that paragraph.

Oh my... I meant a couch.

They can say it all they want. There’s no way in hell Trump is stepping down.

HI ANNA REMEMBER THAT TME YOU WROTE ABOUT GETTING HIT IN THE HEAD BY A BUS FOR XOJANE? AND REMEMBER WHEN I MADE THAT PICTURE OF YOU FROM THE STORY MY AVATAR IN SLACK?

I did, but I could’ve just sent them a cookie bouquet or something and not written about my life on the Internet

I had a boss named Todd but it wasn’t conceivable that he had a human life outside the office. (Sorry, Todd!)

This is such an entertaining dish of a story (good gravy, Merlan, you are a treasure) but legit, I used to have a hard bodied, Gaultesque, libertarian bang buddy and it was the best. He was a repellent hedge fund manager who drove a white escalade with gold rims.

I didn’t see this right away and I called Dr. Hern’s office to ask how I could donate money directly to the practice. I had a fifteen-minute conversation with Dr. Hern himself. In addition to being a hero, he is a very humble and cool guy.

fuck off