Best bit:

Today I learned that putting a bit of cherry juice in vodka will not help the appearance of being an alcoholic.

I’m seeing a a distressing lack of wine pairings.

Why does it feel like someone in the Konami higher ups had a traumatic experience in which video games violated/killed his/her family, but was then saved by a traveling Pachinko machine.

Man, next you’ll be saying that Kylo Ren doesn’t have an 8-pack. That Kylo Ren isn’t shredded.