Are you similarly nuts about your likely eventual death from other preventable causes — type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, motor vehicle accidents — or do you save it for viruses that have killed one single person within the US?

And not one of them even approaches Lindsay Lohan's tagline when she was on WWHL: "I'm done with mugshots and I'm ready for an Oscar."

I wonder whether she still has Lesbian Superstar Lori Michaels around to keep her company.

Such as?

You leave poor Bouffant out of this. She tries as best she can with what God saw fit to give her, bless.

Dina trying (and failing) to one-up my darling Crackerjacks in the statement necklace game. Allow me to introduce into evidence the following exhibits:

Queer as Folk DVDs (or on Netflix but the music is all wrong ugh so don't do it). Network TV only took 15 years to catch up.

The library is open and Ms Stewart has the floor.

Shana Lynette "Taylor" "Ford" Hughes Armstrong. She's had way more names and hometowns, and has seemed more actively involved in her various scams. Theresa is a willingly ignorant accomplice, but not nearly as grifteresque as Taylor.

The fries make it Pittsburgh.

Andy's face was perfection. Every time she said something like I didn't know what I was signing, or I wasn't supposed to go to jail, or How could they do this to me?, and my favorite My lawyer was supposed to defend me. Bitch, you're going to jail for 15 months instead of 50 years. Smile and say thank you and GTFO.

Joe knew 100%. And he also knew that Teets is dumb enough to sign whatever is put in front of her and took advantage of that and her better credit.

The Winston ad is fake. It's from Worth1000, a site that specializes in photo manipulation.

And you can't even use clothing to tell them apart cause they have to follow Jim-Bob's Bible-Based Uniform Policy for Young Ladies.

In Freedia's name we pray.

Yeah, this is in fact jelly.

I know I'm reaching here, but I'm gonna say privilege-blind and -blinded high-income straight white men.

I knew you'd say it if I didn't. I always wanna ask them: "Do you go to a restaurant, and when it's time to pay just say, 'I have a credit card,' and expect them to get everything they need from that statement?"

15 years. Front-line high-volume grocery. My life is a mix of Clerks, Go, and Waiting.