I mean, he's not wrong. Still a blowhard but not wrong.

Gotcha. No different than the people who down juice by the gallon. I'm like, "You know that's essentially fruit flavors, sugar, and water, right?"

Prik nam pla is one of Thailand's finest contributions to the world and I wholeheartedly support its use in anything savory.

Much better to think of sweet tea as a tea brewed with simple syrup instead of water. Sugar goes in early in the process or it's just not right.

You know how I do breakfast when there's a buffet situation? Eggs, bacon, sausage, potatoes all in a bowl with some ketchup. You and I, I think we'd get along ok.

It's strangely thrilling when you have a legitimate reason to do it, isn't it?

And watermelon. Seriously, salt and pepper and it's perfect.

RANCH IS THE DEVIL'S SEMEN. I'd rather eat THOUSAND ISLAND than let ranch dressing cross my lips.

Don't be too quick to judge. You people did bring the world whatever "Salad Cream" is.

Good Lord. Maybe a fan? Cheaper, less likely to cause you to die in a fire?

UGH, seriously. Ranch dressing is the Devil's semen, and even the briefest thought of putting it into your ICED TEA is, like, I'm quite literally gagging right now.

First season is uneven and takes a minute to get going. Second season on? Break out the wine and board the Shondacoaster. Totally addictive.

Countess LuAnn, Lisa Vanderpump, and Laverne Cox are among the guests at my imaginary Best Cocktail Party Ever.

I'd worry about the acid curdling it. Like a cement mixer but with breast milk instead of Bailey's.

The way mom and boyfriend treat this one is neglectful and borderline abusive. Like I wanted to call DCF neglectful.

Milk is milk, and you can usually get skim, 2%, or whole (4%). Cream is usually either half-and-half (10.5-18% fat) or light cream (18-30% fat).

If this salad wants to be respected, it needs to start by respecting itself.

Most handwipes are alcohol, water, and fragrance (if any). The ones we use where I work are about 100 proof, if you wanna look at it like that, and while they might not taste great, two sips of Coke in which two wipes were sitting would hardly justify a trip to the ER.

Don't take me the wrong way — I'm not suggesting you call a meeting and tell everyone you're gay. What I'm saying is that it's important not to play the pronoun game with your coworkers (provided of course you don't work in an environment where it could cost you your job or your safety), and that it's important not to…