I definitely don’t mean this is a defense of the man - because he willingly committed this atrocity without anyone’s gun pointed at his head - but it has a lot to do with how strictly policed and ridig (no pun intended) male sexuality is. Any deviation from the norm (in this case, possible contact with a penis) is…

This kind of story (i.e. man hurts/kills woman after finding out she is transgender) seems so common that it’s almost cliche at this point. And yet I really struggle to understand that kind of reaction. I could understand being upset, but violent to the point of murder? Is the power of insecurity of masculinity really…

I fully understand your perspective. However, I don’t think anyone said rape fantasies are completely created from patriarchy, just that patriarchy INFLUENCES them. To say that patriarchy has a role in creating and maintaining the fetishes which a person has is fundamentally distinct from saying that patriarchy is…

i think how we end up is a complicated mix of inherent traits, environmental elements in the developmental years, and cultural mores. the key phrase in that sentence being “complicated mix”—which is why i think exploring the various different influences on how we end up is valid. there is no one single, simple answer,…

“But arguing that what Stoya said “doesn’t ring true” for such utterly, transparently bad reasons doesn’t seem like just staying off the jury so much as trying to play the role of Deen’s defense attorney.”

Tee hee!

Never underestimate what men are willing to wrap around their penis.

“We have historically always been Much much more concerned about an individual man’s consequences in the rare instance that a rape allegation is false, than we have even been about the consequences to additional girls and women if the allegation is true.”

So they may have had roleplay, BDSM or whatever sex that requires a safe word.

That’s an interesting question. We have historically always been Much much more concerned about an individual man’s consequences in the rare instance that a rape allegation is false, than we have even been about the consequences to additional girls and women if the allegation is true. When you balance the two sets of…

No one knows exactly what causes kink, but it’s absurd to say that culture is totally irrelevant.

I don’t judge individuals but let’s say I am suspicious of how many dudes have fantasies that align perfectly with existing patriarchal norms.

And she had a great line of “I don’t judge individuals but let’s say I am suspicious of how many dudes have fantasies that align perfectly with existing patriarchal norms.”

You answered your own question. They probably had the kind of sex that requires a safe word.

Well, his public image prior to this was as the guy who was not a threat or disgustingly porn-y.

You’re of course entitled to your own opinion and your own standards, but to ask why *anyone* would want to date a 30 year old virgin implies that to be a virgin in your 30s is to be worthless. That’s what I have a problem with.

I don’t think we’re supposed to be mad at him, but I do think that if her side did leak this then the inference that I’m taking from that is that we’re supposed to think he’s ridiculous for not wanting to have sex with her. Which I just can’t do because I think everyone has a right to decide when they do or don’t have…

I love it when I come across reasonable, well-placed positivity in Internet comments...

Hey you know what? More power to both of them. They each have their own standards for how they want a relationship to be and what they want out of it. By adhering to them, they've realized they're not compatible and are going their separate ways to find spouses that are more suited to their needs and wants. That's…