On the plus side, my fantasy FEMA team is putting up numbers this year.

Dolphins and Buccaneers both excel in water. Let them play

He’ll never throw another pass in the NFL if I have anything to say about it!

Yeah, but only because their players are better.

Less impressive than Chris Bosh’s cameo:

Someone else might be available, too.

I can’t fall asleep on planes because i know as soon as i do, someone’s gonna stick their fingers in my mouth.

And there it is, the most unoriginal comment about a Dodgers pitcher. Glad we got that out of the way

Chris Christie, leaning back.

I know right?! Cubs fans are so silly for thinking the 2017 team is good... I mean what made them think that??? What recent success would possibly make them think that they are any good...

Converge - “I Can Tell You About Pain”

Prepare to be fucked by the dick of the World Champs!

Weird that an Adidas product would fall apart so quickly.

“College athletes shouldn’t be paid because they get a free education.”

Patrick has been fired for not referencing the extensive real-world history of ballistas being used to kill flame-breathing magical lizards the size of 747s.

That teacher lacks, um, a strong grasp on the English language. Though their conversational tone is certainly unique.

The Sod That Failed

*stamps WHO WATCHES THIS off Commentariat Bingo Card*