Dunno about around the back, but I can touch my belly button from the front. Boop. #notaclone #probablyamammal

I hope Beyonce’s new stage performance includes a sign that says “VEGAN” written entirely in cheddar.

“sometimes I take a poop in my hand and then eat it”

Jim Bob is asking Jesus for advice right now, and Jesus is all

Damn. He should start a business writing celebrity apologies, that was amazing.

I don’t want to make assumptions about what it is like to have a mastectomy. But I am imagining that if I had to have a mastectomy, even if I’ve come to terms with it and learned to accept my drastically changed body, seeing a bunch of attractive young women with their perfect breasts holding a coke can in my honor…

Note to self: never sleep naked in a bed with Dr. Ruth unless I’m willing to put out.

Does anyone else wish that someone newly identifying as a woman didn’t have to be so focused on looking pretty? And evaluated by everyone in terms of prettiness? I know this family is not known for its deep value system, but it’s like...congratulations? Welcome to all kinds of new and dumb pressures?

Hey now; Janice is doing better. She just won 3rd in a Janice Dickenson look alike contest!

If you think about it, any story about food is the beginning of a poop story.

I need an adult.

HOW HAVE YOU MANAGED SUCH A FEAT OF MAGNIFICENCE??

How could I forget the gold-standard non-apology? I’ll never work in fake PR again!

I actually agree with her, but not for the reasons she says. Despite his flaws, Jackson was a president of the US. If you’re going to replace someone on our currency who wasn’t a president, you need to replace one of the non-presidents. Like Hamilton on the $10, or Franklin on the $100.

Every rapper should hire DLR to sing hooks. EVERY. GODDAMN. ONE.

Now I can’t stop thinking about David Lee Roth listening to Kendrick Lamar and shouting “Bop, boze-de-boze-de-bop, se-de-bop” instead of the chorus.

What the fuck do these people think it’s okay for welfare recipients to actually eat. Gruel?

I feel the part where the men are able to overcome it to rape the women is kind of telling. They don't really believe in the power of the period. It's one of those folklorey things that explains a woman's lesser place while also can be circumvented whenever by those who dominate them. :(

There are health risks to this whole practice: improper sanitation, not being able to fully clean menstrual cloths in order to avoid later infections, oh, AND BEING FORCED TO CLUMP UP IN TINY SHACKS WITHOUT ELECTRICITY AND RUN THE RISK OF RAPE AND SNAKE BITE. But you go on, defending "traditions" that are just more…