I will never not star a Ray Lewis murdered two people joke. Well done!

Pfft, that’s nothing, I've stuck people with far worse.

-Ray Lewis.

I can’t get my head round a meal which works out at $700 a head.

All it takes is for one of those 31 to be linked to “Phelps, Michael” and we’ll never hear the end of this. Hot Olympics Takes are the worst kinds of takes (and the worst kind of “Hot Olympics” things).

“Not on my watch”

“Get a white girl, son. Trust me on this.”

It’s a shitty situation - the Heat obviously want Bosh to play, but not at the risk of his health or his life

Could be worse. I mean, blood clots aren't as devastating as the comet that wiped out the rest of his family sixty five million years ago.

this is true.. of course maybe they enjoy constantly filling up a ditch with water, emptying it, and then re-filling it. everyday.

I do think so Tim.

Could this be the first ever instance of an athlete’s social media page actually being hacked?

to be fair the bill includes water.

That’s a hell of light bill. Someone tell her to switch to LEDs. Can’t imagine what the entire electric bill was

“Now things have gotten worse”

You cynical fucks can go fuck yourselves, 60 points on 50 shots is literally the perfect ending to Kobe’s career.

Some asshole stole Bartolo Colon’s belt and is showing it off in the background.

This is really messed up. I'm on the corner where it happened. People are saying it was a fender bender that got heated. I was here when they took his wife away on a stretcher. She was yelling for Will. Really tragic.

I would gladly trade you my team’s awesome color scheme for that accidental title.

A spokesman for ESPN says they’ve been flooded with calls from white people overjoyed to see a black man rooting for them.

my favorite part about this timberwolves team is sam mitchell’s wikipedia picture