The “woman’s acquaintance” looks like your typical posturing tough guy. Waits until Osweiler’s back is turned, takes a running start to push him from behind, then remains a safe distance away. When Osweiler turns around, he stays back until someone gets between them so he can pull the “Hold me back, bro,” routine. I…

Yea, I’m totally expecting him to end up being exposed as Rory B. Bellows, salvaging scrap metal from sunken ships.

+1 out-of-court settlement

On the contrary, for some reason I think the fact that the Photoshop job is so bad makes it better.

+3 credits at UNC

Because Grayson sounds like a name that should’ve been included in George Carlin’s “Terrible boy’s names” bit.

Tomsula jokes will never be not funny.

In that same series, they chanted “No means no” every time Kobe was at the line, so that, combined with “Ugly sister” wins in a landslide over the Nets series.

This has always been my favorite, but nowadays, it seems I can only find it at the Cracker Barrel general store.

I was at the game last night, my first time seeing OKC in person. I was JUST telling someone at work exactly this. Seeing Westbrook on television doesn’t do even him justice. He’s so goddamn fast, it’s ridiculous. How the Knicks even stayed within 30 points of these guys last night is beyond me.

Like most people who act like dickheads at (or, in this case, near) the Jersey Shore, this guy is probably from Staten Island.

+1 life sentence without the possibility of parole

A thousand bucks this woman is Roger Goodell’s wife or sister.

I wish I enjoyed anything as much as that kid enjoyed his evening at that hockey game.

Given how last season played out, this would be my suggestion for a new cover:

Based on his attire, I’d say the flaming arrows method was most likely. It looks like of Robin Hood-ish, no?

Nobody ever doubted that Ray Rice did what he did, and he even admitted it, and yet there was still a longer suspension once his video went public.

+4’11”

Ditka’s a sucker’s bet. Every guy on that show knows he can fart openly because it will be blamed on Ditka. Smart money lies elsewhere.

You’re a goddamned American hero.