I get what you’re saying, but hear me out: your partner should not be your babysitter. I’m not being critical; it’s a lesson I had to learn on my own. Your partner should be a source of love, a museum, an inspiration. Your partner cannot be a mid-life parent or a control mechanism, not if you want your relationship to…

Unplugged Layla- a passionate song about how badly a man wants to be with another man’s wife, tuned down to maudlin pulp- is crap.

You want an acoustic cover? Here you go.

Kohl’s is actually a great store for fat guys.

You are going to heaven.

So I shouldn’t write my thesis about why Dale Murphy belongs in the Hall of Fame?

My AP Chem teacher did the same thing. She’d make her tests INCREDIBLY difficult. We were routinely getting failing grades on the exams, but then she’d scale them, and we’d all end up with As. When it came to the AP Exam, we were super prepared and got 4s and 5s. She was one of the best teachers I ever had.

I don’t care if I’m in the greys forever, you can’t change my mind on this song.

My choices are Verizon and Comcast. What would you do?

So, as a truly thankful white guy, what’s a good way to say thanks? I feel like saving the country from the Orange Goblin and His Racist Friends deserves more than a thank you card.

My God, really? I’d think that, to get delivery, you gotta order at least 40$, and pay at least a $10 tip, and even then, the drive can’t be more than a mile or two.

Heh. Like they’ll still be a democracy in three years.

Brother L2380DW

Brother L2380DW

My dad died this year. I’m pretty sure he would love it if you played touch football on his grave. He was a semi-pro athlete, and he loved talking sports. As long as you don’t fuck up his marker, it’s all good.

GOLDBERG

They paid SOME of the bonds back. The local area is still paying off $250 M in bonds with a hotel tax until 2045.

I so badly want the obligatory “I’m Coming Home” music video for this.

I can second this recommendation. After years of hating inkjets, I bought this new in February. Only now, after about 1000 pages, am I needing new toner, and it’s never given me any problems. I bought one with a scanner, but if you don’t need that, buy this.

I can second this recommendation. After years of hating inkjets, I bought this new in February. Only now, after…

...there were cookies? I’m not expecting one, but cookies are delicious.

Here’s a hint: Don’t say “I personally don’t consider myself racist”. It never works.

Let people say, “I don’t consider him racist” about you. If you’re good, people will recognize. Self-promotion never works. 

Yay! I missed all but one category. But yeah, I’d have to rewrite the constitution to get Obama back in. Still, I’d do it in a heartbeat.