“Oracle Arena is far, far too loud and is clearly a violation of NBA noise ordinances. Something must be done.”

At least we’re finally getting an answer to “what would it look like if an entire organization was the old lady who complained to the HOA about your lawn?”

The memo’s smug conclusion, clearly based in Logic and Facts, frames the failure of the Rockets to hit any of 27 straight threes, and the failure of Chris Paul’s hamstring to stay healthy, as less significant than those 81 disputed calls.

When asked for comment, Brand referred the press to his publicist, who said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

The Globe sure did foil Zhou’s plans didn’t they?

For most of high school, my “wife” was also a towel.

The Sixers went on to BEAT THE FUCKING CELTICS FUCKING FINALLY.

“We are not a racist community.”

The collaboration with Ford is already paying dividends.

He disclosed medical information. That’s absolutely privileged (or at least confidential if we want to be precise, though more likely privileged)- I can’t see how it wouldn’t be. He would’ve needed a HIPAA release to reveal it. The only argument here is semantic as to whether it’s privilege vs. confidential, and…

How to get disbarred: Gleefully break client privilege and expose some of their of medical information in the very next sentence.

I am absolutely horrified and offended by this lawyer. Attorney-client privilege is beyond essential to what we do, and this shit is why some of our clients don’t trust us. Fuck this guy. Fuck him. I’m so livid. It’s beyond unethical. You don’t want the case? Don’t fucking take the case then. No one made you - you’re…

“ He was guilty as hell!.... I’ll tell you a secret: I had him go to a doctor to get shots, libido-killing shots.”

Jalop always struck me as more than a few doors to the right...

It’s hip to flee squares

Who willingly signs up for 13 years in Philly? I’m sure the fans will be EXTREMELY supportive of him the first time he goes 0 for 4.

To really put the duration of this contract into perspective, when it expires, R. Kelly will try to have sex with it.

I think you’ve got it about right. But that’s just coasting on lowered expectations.

The thing that annoys me most about Ainge is how quickly he leaks to the media after refusing to do anything when a superstar becomes available—Paul George, Kawhi—and claims that Boston tried, only to be foiled by the other team’s…

Reminds me of the scene in Gone in 60 Seconds when the guy brings in the Cadillac that had the keys left in it. “Did you ever consider why a car in that neighborhood would have its keys left in it? Maybe because no one else would be stupid enough to try and rip this car off.” There is a big overlap on the venn diagram…

This beef has been recalled due to high levels of prions.