No no, it's a conspiracy BY the evil Republicans to take all science classes out of the schools so we all become illiterate!

I'd love to buy all my meat at the farmer's market, but I have a $300 monthly grocery budget and can't pay twenty bucks a pound for their delicious, delicious pork chops and homemade sausages.

Ugh, thank you. Extremism in any direction puts such a bad taste in one's mouth...so I'm gonna go fill mine with some mozzarella cheese to cancel it out.

I don't get it, would the archaeologists have excavated the shrunken heads? Do those even preserve well? Did you mean anthropologists? It's not a tough distinction to make, dude.

I'm convinced the popularity of Shark Week is what's led to the re-release of Jaws.

I bet you're the one that broke the news about Alanis Morisette's "Ironic" too. Brilliant work.

I love how they always look down at their medals like so, what's on this, anyway?

Yes!! I want her to be my drag abuelita!

Watching the olympics at the gym is so demoralizing.

I had to watch Tammie Brown through my fingers, she made me so embarrassed.

I think he meant that Jennifer Garner is the Kate Middleton of Kate Beckinsales. At least, that's how it makes sense to me.

Pizza flavored McVitie's?

Oh dammit, he can't be right! He pronounces pasta PASS-TA!

My husband thought his name was Nasss, like Nasty.

My cousin - who has a three year old and is a special ed teacher - swears by Excedrin and after a long weekend of family wedding drinking I agree with her. That shit is magic on hangovers.

BUDNICK!!!!!! Camp Onowana, I hold you in my heart...and when I think about you, you make me WANNA FART! My ten year old self is in tears laughing.

Me too! Although if I'd picked Furbys (I'm afraid of them, seriously!) I would have been Kel because orange soda rools.

" Lazy day poolside! Best french toast ever. No other loss can occur so quietly as the loss of one's self. " This just made my night...and led me to the wonderful Twitter that is Justin Buber.

Better stick to talking about cars.

They're sebaceous cysts and they'll grow back! Go to a doctor, people!