HE WILL HAVE WORDS WITH THEE

You were robbed, Cat Peach. ROBBED.

As an attorney, this is a pretty standard ruling. Text messages cannot be used in a criminal case if the cell phone in question hasn't already been previously charged.

He knew the animal should be tested for rabies, so he grabbed a crescent wrench with the aim of subduing it.

You read an entire article about football, just to write run-on sentences about being above it all?

Once Tiger got ahead of it you knew it wasn't going to be anything major.

Come on Raphael, put some effort into it.

I have no patience to actually listen to clips from Cowherd or Golic, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say that Simmons was probably a blowhard, since he generally is, but I've gotta say, I love the new angry Simmons. He's self-righteous and a bit too prickly, but it's bringing out some of the qualities…

And here's Leggio's spot-on Pierre McGuire.

Love in the backseat of a van getting ruined by poor timing: the story of my prom night

7 years here. Part of what I miss is all the games. Hidden bottles, trips to the basement to "check on the furnace" I was also great at doing laundry. I did laundry in the basement more than any man. Folded it down there too. I was a rotten SOB. At least once I am sure my wife smelled it in me but I always countered…

The more details surface regarding Bironas's death, the weirder this story gets.

To be fair, it's probably easier to woefully underestimate a guy's brain trauma while he's standing next to Brady Hoke.

He said "culpability". The NFL fucking hates that word.

*comes running thru door* did anyone make *heavy breaths* a joke about goodell *falls to knees heaving* a joke about goodell yet

It doesn't matter what the statistics say, most head coaches are still sticking with the Extra Point Van.

This is technically the third prank. The second was convincing him that playing for the Padres is "getting called up to the big leagues."

That is an insane level of commitment to stay and finish. Personally, I would have bolted.

dearest good friend:

The ESPYs is a gran- scale gathering of an entire network of people all suffering from Bill Simmons Syndrome, when people who work for that network start to feel so welcomed in by the athletes they worship that they really think they're friends with and respected by these famous celebrities. It's pathetic.