Oh sure, but when I drop 37 at my job, I'm "a danger" and "not fit to deliver babies."

The Burns meet a very soft penguin

Huh... I thought it was supposed to honor the victims' average height of 4'09" at the time the abuse occurred.

Antoinette Bannister: 1.4 PPG, 0.7 RPG, 18.9% APR.

This seemed kinda suspicious to me. I'm not saying for certain that they're shaving points, but maybe one of us should check the Florida-Georgia line.

OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT

Untrained assassin Tony Stewart, Busch's NASCAR colleague, had no comment when asked about the case.

This is really tasteless, Barry. That man just had his home broken into.

Poor Detroit.

Paul McCartney's your niece? That's pretty neat.

Paul McCartney is not a "she"

"I'm a shooting guard, not a point guard."

"Had to hit the game winner at the gym today."

Judge: "This evidence is inadmissible. Bailiff, throw it out."
Bailiff: [throws evidence eight yards short of the garbage can]
Bailiff: [walks over and picks evidence up off the courthouse floor]
Bailiff: [throws evidence like ten yards over the garbage can and a bit to the right of it]
Bailiff: [walks over and picks…

Breesus Christ, King of the Drews.

John Wall = awesome dude

Bet he had a hard time breathing.

Of course the Cavs' shirts are in Comic Sans.

This also happened:

Garnett's shirt also refers to how he feels six minutes into the game.