A new driver that drives less than 60 miles a week? Hahahahaha.

Would a C3 with those big sexy hips be Cloe then?

What would you rather have for 7k? This, or a freaking Tempo that really isn't worth it's weight in scrap? 

I have actually seen an old woman with a bumper sticker that said “I heart my granddog.” It filled me with the same white hot rage as “furbaby” and “pet parent.” With that said; chill the fuck out, bro.

Try and replace the water pump on one of these. You'll hate them too.

Touche.... Sort of. The coprolite isn't masquerading as anything else, certainly not a "classic collector car." And a Trabant is cool because it's unusual. Ford sent these hunks of crap to just about all corners of the world.

When are we going to stop pretending that shitbox econo cars from the 80's are somehow loved and missed? The reason it only has 17k on it is because they are TERRIBLE FUCKING CARS and the original owner quickly realized it. 7k? There’s no way.

Thanks for that. I’m not a techie guy, that was easy to follow.

The intersection of 185th and Springville road in Washington county Oregon is now a nice, multilane intersection with a light. 30 years ago, it was a two lane country road, with no stop sign if you were on 185th, at the peak of a hill. I was probably 12 or so, in my aunt Mary’s Mk. IV with my cousin driving the first…

Yikes. C4 in the front, F40 in the back. It's like the automotive mullet from hell. 

A bit disappointed in Jalopnik lately. Recently it’s been less about automotive news and more about glorifying morons doing this shit, driving 197 on public roads, and ripping off old ladies. Wtf Jalopnik?

Yikes. Dude straight ripped off an old lady. 

Kristen, thank you. I AM an asshole, and I’ve no problem being the grammar Nazi, but it’s quite tiring. For your next installment, may I suggest a few paragraphs on lose/loose?

Well where I live mopeds are street legal as long as they don’t exceed a certain engine size. And electric or not a moped is a moped. A Tesla isn’t any less of a car just because it’s electric. Ebike sounds very modern and hip, but it’s still just a damn moped with an electric motor instead of gas.

Ahem. They're called "mopeds" and they've existed for decades. 

1970 429 CJ Torino fastback. They traded it in on a 1980 Pinto wagon in 1980. Seriously. 

Wow. Do you need a hug?

You have heard about the new divorced Barbie haven’t you? She comes complete with all of Ken's stuff.

Wow. That’s not pink, it’s Pank. And I don’t know why, but it works. My daughter loves it, and I’m pretty secure in myself. I'd lose the rhinestones, but leave the rest and cruise it. I could introduce myself as Ken and say it was the only thing Barbie didn't keep in the divorce. 

No offense brother but if I come to NYC to be a tourist, a tourist I shall be. I don't want to spend my energy trying to navigate around, I'm here to see the sights and get the hell out. Besides, why should the Ubers bother you? You took the subway and walked ten minutes in winter weather, right? Or is that just for…