Modern porn follows two different primary trends: More female dominant, or more like real sex.

Is Poop still something you might put out?

"Oh, well that's okay. I'm not allergic if they're ground up."

This is the face of a man who spends many, many hours masturbating furiously to the language in House Bill 365, and who has a lovely collection of Lulumon catalogues stashed away somewhere.

Oh bullshit. I dealt with customers like you for a decade. We can smell you coming. If it weren't the table, you would have found something else to bitch about and justify your being a cheap fucking asshole.

hey pinkham: be satisfied with your pathetic life cause being a server is all that you will amount to.

Guys, everyone's picking on this guy, I'm just impressed he's been acquainted with Denis Leary for more than 20 years, because this song is CLEARLY written about him.

Nancy, what the fuck are you talking about please?

Not that I'm gonna believe that you happen to be that actual customer without a huge fucking grain of salt and a lot of side-eye, but if you were (and are colossally lame enough to not only admit it, but revel in it) the fact that you think that "a rsvp" is the same thing as a reservation makes you the "retarded" one…

Hahahaha, you're a walking hemorrhoid.

Something is really wrong with you. For starters, you lack empathy. You know what else? You're a horrible human being. That poor server has to TIP SHARE! You said it yourself. So not only did she not get a tip from you, she still had to tip out the hostess out of her own pocket. So she paid for the pleasure on waiting…

i read your first line and didn't read the rest because you're a fucking asshole.

It's all good, Tommy. Even the sheep who wander furthest from the flock deserve a second chance.

Oh Tommy. A very, very ancient Gawker Media law forbids commenters from asking questions like "who???" in comments because, as you so clearly know, if you're able to drop a comment into a post you are probably able to use this newfangled contraption known as Google. In the olden times, asking "WHO???" like a moron…

Seems like a nice gesture when you're taking a picture with some unemployed tourist.

Yeah, well they flouted American protocol when Kate showed up to a basketball game in Brooklyn in a tweed coat. I mean jeez, at least try to blend in with the locals and throw on some flannel.