(Editor’s Note: Like I’m ever going to pass up a story that makes fun of Tim Hortons...)

“Here, we see a server remove the packaging from a frozen cheesecake that arrived on truck this morning to be thawed in a cooler. And so begins and ends our tour of Obscene Selection of Cheesecakes.”

“Now THAT’S White Zinfandel!” which he promptly poured into his monogrammed thermos.

Totally.

I’m always being told that me and my family and friends are headed to hell anyway. Seems like most of the fun/awesome people will be down there, makes sense that Satan would be cooler.

to be quite frank, if I’m going by the actions of their followers, Satan seems like a way cooler guy than Jesus.

AMEN. At first I was relieved to serve at Steakback Outhouse, which had no lunch service back then, but imagine my horror when they decided to open Sunday lunch several months after opening my location. Oh, the hatred.

Commenters disagreed: One wrote asking why the Kleins were so upset about GoFundMe canceling their fundraiser when the site was doing the same thing the Kleins had done, refusing the use of their product for something they didn’t agree with.

Crystal Castles sounds like a strip club, or a tacky wedding venue, or a Florida Woman. But not a band.

Yo, didn’t Chyna post screenshots of Tyga messaging her along the lines of, “BABY COME BACK, YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”

oh my god

I... kind of love her? I’m also terrified of her, too? I feel like she would be one of those people that I love reading about through the wonders of the Internetz, but in person might be too much for me to handle.

The real Mark Twain plays the role of “dead man doing barrel rolls in the grave forever”

wait i’m sorry

Why is Adam Sandler.

Second Amendment Woman Liberates Bacon from Tyranny of Absence.

popular chain restaurant that rhymes with “Crapplebees.” (Editor’s Note: Oh for fuck’s sake)

My favorite though, was when I overheard a new employee who was prepping cucumbers and talking to the dish washer. She thought it was really dishonest that we said some of our sandwiches were vegetarian or vegan when they contained cucumber. The dishwasher was confused and said that cucumbers were vegetables. The…

Good point. I think that if I were going to engage in a group outing, I’d likely double-up (egg prevention for me, sperm barrier for them). But that’s just me. No judgement of her and you’re right that I shouldn’t make presumptions. It can and does indeed fail.