"I'm ready to settle down" within what sounds like the first half hour of the date? No. Absolutely not. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Get your ass home.

Cats would never do this to anyone— they just don't have the attention span. This is why I will marry my cat and live happily ever after.

And still my new years resolution to be Beyonce gets harder.

RE: JOE &SOPHIA

Hm, not that impressive. Two better revenge stories:

"HE THOUGHT HE WAS GETTING HIS GIFTS NAH"

Dude, she called herself a runaway slave master. More recently she said that the uprisings going on in Ferguson and elsewhere are of no concern to her as she plans her arena tour. She calls Sway "boy" in the clip above. Any moment now I expect a link to "piggyazalea" for more evidence of her fucked-up views on life.…

Her whole career is like BB cream accidentally squirted on all of our shirts. I'm not 100% sure what I mean by that but let's agree that it's not good.

uh

When your star looks like Doug Funnie "rap star" you know you've failed.

I don't know who did the original tweet since a lot of people stole iterations of it, but this one was my favorite.

There are women going through menopause who have better flow.

Attractive?

ok im just gonna leave this here again

This is what happens when your career isn't the result of years of passion and hard work in an art that you've immersed yourself in but instead, comes from some suit(s) sitting in an all-staff meeting and saying "Hey! You know what would REALLY sell? An attractive white girl rapper!"