This is the situation at my place today. Clearly I'm not in America. It's 36 degrees Celsius and my girly is in the little clamshell pool in the backyard. I plan on G&Ts later on.

Hey everyone! My partner of 7 years and I were married today! My parents flew down to join us and it was a beautiful day. We're legal!

Also, buy a new house when you need to vacuum.

I once convinced an entire Colorado community that I was Jennifer Lopez.

I eloped when I was 19 to a boyfriend I had only dated a month. I didn't tell my parents and just said we were moving in together. A month later I deeply regretted it and filed for divorce. It took two years to finalize and I had already started dating my now husband during that period. I didn't tell any of my friends…

That I was orgasming.

Sometimes I feel like lies don't count as lies when the truth is nobody's business anyway.

White people names.

Shapeshifting Illuminati Lizardlings don't assume human form properly till almost six months or so. That's just the skinsuit shifting.

I'm bereft. Don't go, Jon! Especially not before the 2016 election! First Colbert, now you! THIS IS THE DARKEST TIME LINE.

#notallwords

The upside is that, if anyone has ever deserved a shitty tip, it's you!

Her twitter feed makes me want to punch her in the face.

I definitely have (unearned) thin privilege, and it's definitely not because I "eat right and exercise." I do neither, actually. And, you know, I never really thought about it. I had friends and family who struggled with weight, but I never knew what that was like. Every holiday party, at least one aunt or cousin…

FA is tremendously important to me - I have yo-yo'd my whole life but it's important to me because the state of my body has not changed the state of my worth. It should not be a topic of conversation, and my appearance should not dictate a conversation about health. The point of the FA movement is to completely…

maybe you could try to fixate on how FUCKING AWESOME IT IS that you are away from him. he sounds horrible. every time you think of something shitty, just reshape that thought into "and it is SO FUCKING FANTASTIC THAT I ENDED IT!!!!!" not sure if this will actually work, but it's what came into my mind.

Try to tune out the Valentine's Day nonsense and focus on you and you alone.

I have been happy and less stress lately. It is weird and I like it.

I'm on almost week 3 of maternity leave and I'm soooooo bored!!! And I'm also a human pacifier to this little girl