These Onion pieces are trickier to write than they look.

Once Andy Rooney hears Hamilton Nolan has taken his mantle of Official American Curmudgeon, it’ll be “Gravespin.”

Why was this written?

This is your job?

Let me knows what he thinks about that once he sobers up.

I’m not anti-Semitic either, but I’m starting to get pretty pissed that my wife won’t tell me where she’s hiding her gold.

I’m genuinely embarassed for you that you wrote an entire article about a term and you got the definition literally completely wrong. Google, my friend.

Da region. I was born in East Chicago, your story checks out.

I’d just like to add that it is the height of hypocrisy for the liberals on this site to feign outrage at the words and actions of Donald Trump yet celebrate this “culture of dunking.”

How is this logo any different? Because its not.

That is far too simplistic.

He should retire once he hits 69 TDs. Go out on top, or bottom depending on his preference.

Well that display of intellectual athleticism just put him in the top 30% of his class at Arizona.

He’s the six million dollar bro. We made him bigger, stronger, faster, but we couldn’t get him to stop laughing at the number 69.

Let’s bring this kid back to the good ole’ US of A.

What Billy won’t say: Pulisic is better than Messi.

Forever my favorite obscure Simpsons line.

Could be innocent enough. The NFL has long considered actual players interchangeable.