In the long history of painfully stretched analogies, you sir have come up with a winner. Great job!

He is the lizard king. He can do anything.

“Body shaming is bad!”
—Jezebel

“LOL, let’s pick a photo where Trump Jr. has a double chin, because ugly!”
-Jezebel

Maybe if we framed Climate Change as a War on Christmas then maybe, just maybe, we could get bipartisan support on passing carbon emission taxes.

Correction: Everyone already hated Cubs fans openly.

Well, since evolution is impossible because everything was created in it’s present form, that means God must be creating all these new diseases, because he’s apparently, some sort of sadistic evil genius.

I would pay good money to see a racing series in which you could use these on your opponents.

On the other hand the team, city and fanbase ruined Steve Bartman’s life for something that wasn’t his fault. And you know he couldn’t be at these games and it was probably killing him inside.

Nah, it actually wasn’t. Cleveland losses are hapless endeavors that grab defeat from the jaws of victory (see: the Browns). The Indians were dogged tonight. They fought hard.

There’s no way I’m going to a Brewers-Cubs game at Miller next year. Cubs fans are going to be *so* insufferable.

Some perspective on how historic this is:

It never left. It’s called The Concourse

You give Belichick a cocktail of these and he’ll field a hell of an offense.  

the Indians never quite threatened, but they constantly threatened to threaten

It’s all a beauty pageant, and Washington is a little Husky.

All of this boasting about military hardware capabilities between world powers seems kind of moot to me considering how any event where they would be put to full use against each other be rendered pointless by the resulting nuclear apocalypse that would follow.

He is all of us