LOTR is cancelled!

He started with Obama. 

They already used it ^

Mario’s a bad plumber because he stalks his ex, breaks into her new bf’s house and stomps all his friends while looting and vandalizing the place until someone yells Peach isn’t even here right now. 

SNL pays 525 grand per year+ standup performances. After taxes, this ring costs roughly year of income, maybe more. However, this is iconic living legend Scarlett Johansson we’re talking about; l being engaged to her is easily Colin Jost’s greatest achievement. Even if their relationship is doomed, getting her to say…

Chinese-American neurosurgeon with degrees from Stanford and Duke, but keep blowing that dog whistle.

You get invited to a lot of parties don't you? 

I would have done it for free but that's because WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE

*4% of his voters have died since 2016

That’s not a conspiracy theory, that’s what actual people say who worked on the base. 

Too weak for physical labor, too dumb for mental labor, but proud of being a boy. 

Imagine memorizing the names of 8 breakfast cereals in preparation for your fake “jumped in” initiation of soft pro wrestling punches by a giggling cadre of failson 4chan edgelords, in an effort to assert your masculinity. 

If take issue with God over country take it up with the US military.

Game Fuel is actually really good but far too expensive

Wait so you're telling me fans of Donald Trump don't pay their taxes or debts? 

This is my new jam.

Prosecutors have billions worth of leverage in this case. 

Bitchin Camaro