This is quite a coup on the part of the Texans. It’s almost impossible to trade away a guy with a name like “Jadeveon Clowney” and get a better name in return, but “Barkevious Mingo” definitely fills that void. That’s at least a top 50 all time NFL name. For a linebacker, it’s practically onomatopoeia.

Always beware the empty car. —an NYC Proverb

Is it sick if I think that scene wouldn’t be complete unless the girl with blue and blonde hair refuses to cooperate with the police and gets tazed before being cuffed?

seriously, this is like every public transit pet peeve of mine rolled up into one package. Eating on the train? Loudly screaming/woo-hoo-ing? Littering your piñata confetti and silly string all over? Like, you’re not the only person on the planet and this shit is not cute, it’s hella inconsiderate.

I don’t want this stupid birthday party on my commute. Nope. And I don’t want the Showtime dancers either. I want an uneventful ride where I sit quietly with my headphones. I never want to be smacked in the face by a flying Showtime foot, but I ESPECIALLY don’t want to smell your train lobster. Beat it, all of you.

I may be in a mood, but I hate these people and if I had been in the subway car I would’ve literally wanted to murder them.

Can’t wait to hear him talk about the railroad tycoons who built the Underground Railroad.

He was British?

True, youd never see a Trump guy wearing the jersey of a black QB.

Hillary Swank? Really? I mean, his form wasn’t that good, but OK...

It creates a truly authentic NFL experience when the fans can get CTE as well.

I am so very very sorry for this. I truly am, it is not what I want to do. But..

It took four hours and 37 minutes.

Stolen from random on Twitter: “You can take the Nationals out of the Capital, but you can’t take the Capitals out of the Nationals”

“Pier 1 Imports.”

That’s not a post, that’s a treatise.

It’s Costco. Shut down the comments. Cosco is the answer.

I once was about to buy a cart full of stuff from Hobby Lobby. But I decided to pull out at the last minute.

If Jeff Session prosecutes somebody for laughing at him, I should be on death row.

“Textbook”