“I’m just gonna take a nap until I get that $10,000 raise”

2019 is going to be an interesting year as we watch various members of the U.S. Executive Branch get criminally investigated.

He will squeal like a pig and hand Mueller Roger Stone’s syphilitic balls on a platter. What a piece of shit this guy is: He single-handedly kept the birth certificate charade going for years until he hit the big time with Mango Unchained tweeting about it in 2013 or so. This guy is the rat that rat fuckers fuck.

We should probably put restrictions on conservatives traveling into the United States until we figure out just what the hell is going on here

Sure, the MAGABomber targeted a who’s who of Trump’s enemies list with explosives, but someone was mean to Mitch McConnell in a restaurant once so #BOTHSIDES!

Oh my god. Signs. “We’re advanced enough for interstellar travel, but we can’t open doors and are allergic to water but attack a planet that’s 3/4 covered with it.”

I’m probably setting myself up, but this looks really good.

He has obviously been suffering a continuous series of mini strokes for years. When is the big one that finishes him off?

Try having one of your shitty fellating rallies in a blue area, numbnuts. See how much support you get then

Canadian here. Um guys, just so you don’t worry that it’s you who’s going crazy or whatever, from the outside looking in this is the most surreal fucking shit we’ve ever seen. We are at once amused, distainful, embarrassed for you and deeply fearful about how this plays out.

stab them in the face

And he did it without really telling anyone. Mike Ilitch was a mensch.

The CEO of little Caesars paid Rosa parks rent for her entire life. Little C's is okay with me.

My favorite Carnage memory is the red-tinted SNES cartridge

WILD SPECULATION:  After midterms (regardless of result), Trump fires Sessions, Trump nominates Lindsey Graham to replace Sessions, Haley fills Graham’s now vacant Senate seat (they’re both from SC), Ivanka named UN ambassador, I spontaneously combust.

There’s a good word to describe an epically long journey across an ancient world that is fraught with hostile beasts and other dangers, and for some reason I just can’t fucking remember it right now.

Please, keep talking. Make yourself the face of this shitty debacle. Chain yourself to the prow of this sinking ship and ride it all the way to the bottom in 2020.

Did we have a black president then? If so, that makes all the difference in the world. 

Remember when Fox News and WaPo flipped out over $16 muffins at Justice Department training events?

Thanos wakes up , he was a autistic kid in a hostpital. A nurse walks in and says “we have a special visitor for you” and its Ben Afleck (playing himself) dressed as Batman.