Bullshit. If you’re willing to bang someone whilst drunk you’re willing to do it again. I do not give one shit about so called stats that say ‘everyone cheats’. Am I supposed to go through life and enter relationships thinking that it’s inevitable and if it happens I should just throw up my hands and say, ‘Oh well,…

why should the cheater make any more choices on their relationship after they cheated. The cheater’s S.O. should decide without influence or being forced to hear some bs reason for cheating. I am actually surprised how many are on here defending cheating even if it is a one night stand. Glad to have an amazing S.O.…

Because it appears either I understand common sense and cause and effect much better than the person that wrote that book, or you misunderstood the conclusions that were reached.

Well, if that works for you then go for it. But if you have kids, sunk costs of many years and myriad other things, and then discover your supposedly faithful spouse is banging a sidepiece I’m going to guess you might feel differently. Maybe you won’t. I have no idea. But if sexual fidelity is not an issue then…

It’s called blame shifting. Also, gas lighting. It’s a total mindfuck. Audit’s what most cheaters do: ‘If only you were X,Y,Z or did/provided X,Y,Z I wouldn’t have cheated.’ Well, only one person is usually cheating and if that person actually relayed their needs to their partner then the betrayed partner could, if…

That’s all very interesting and worthwhile to do. It gives a great insight into the minds of people that have been through it. It also doesn’t change the fact that just because they couldn’t articulate why they cheated doesn’t mean there wasn’t a reason. People don’t do hurtful things to people they care about for no…

It took me until my 40s to figure that out but totally agree. Everyone I know who stayed together after an affair eventually ended up splitting, unless we’re talking about people married pre-1960. Then they stayed and tortured the fuck out of their partner (who usually continued to cheat), thought they were noble for…

This is the thing that is so fundamentally horrifying to me about someone keeping it a secret (and I have some experience here). They’ve changed the nature/groundwork of the relationship that we are both a part of - that we are supposed to be partners in - and are then just deciding that not only do I not get any…

Absolutely this, really tough to believe some of the justifications otherwise. If my SO cheated on me, I’d want her to tell me immediately so I could leave ASAP and try to find someone who wouldn’t be wasting years of my life on a lie.

One response: HERPES.

Yup, this. If you’re in a monogamous relationship and you change the basic groundwork of the relationship with infidelity, then your partner deserves to be able to reassess the relationship based on the alteration of it. Depriving them of that is wrong. Granted, I’m someone who always wants the truth no matter if it’s…

How would anyone know it would never happen again? Your partner probably never thought they’d cheat in the first place, and yet, they did! Plus it probably gets easier to cheat after doing it once and getting away with it, and if they’re the type of person to cheat once, chances are they’re the type of person to…

Yeah. If someone just wants to be that selfish, I don’t really have anything to say to them (often can’t talk out basic moral differences) - but the self-deception of people trying to convince themselves they’re lying for purely altruistic reasons is sad.

Yes.

Just found out my wife’s been cheating for eight fucking years. Marriage pretty much done. Haven’t pulled the trigger yet on divorce but kinda have too.

I’ve been cheated on, and had to break off an engagement because of it. I will never, under any circumstance, put up with cheating. Getting cheated on is such a miserable, soul-crushing thing to have happen. It murdered my self esteem for years. I know that may seem pretty dramatic, but it was terrible.

I’ve been on this earth for a lot longer than you and from what I’ve seen everyone would rather know. Nothing like wasting years of your life on someone who lies to you.

“If it was a one-time mistake.”

I think the thing is, you never get to decide for another person whether or not they’d “rather know” or “rather not.” I don’t know how I’d react if my partner told me he was cheating — whether I would want to work it out, whether I’d need a break, etc. I might be really unhappy knowing. But he doesn’t get to pick for…

I would always rather know. I wouldn’t necessarily end a relationship over being cheated on if my partner was honest with me about it (depending on a million other factors, obviously), but I would absolutely end a relationship if I was cheated on and found out by some means other than my partner coming clean.