This news is only shocking to people not watching the show.

Omg, “senile id with feet.” Dead on.  

Woods is a (not great) person as opposed to a senile id with feet.

We may indeed be full of sodomites, but if we are, surely red state America is Gomorrah; a hypocrisy best explained by Jeannie C Riley.

I adore Ted Lieu. I follow him. For a while, he would follow every mention for 45 with “who lost the popular vote.” Also, he will forever have points for straight up calling the Diamond and Silk hearing “stupid and ridiculous.”

I thought Depp just pickled his brain, not boiled it

Benadryl Cummerbund is correct

“Tremendous success tonight. Thank you to all!”

I suspect no one told him what actually happened, and they stole his phone and locked the TVs to old Apprentice reruns.

Heads up for Barbra fans: THIS IS HAPPENING TONIGHT on The Late Late Show:

My 30s were filled with crying at the thought of my dog getting sick, crying when I saw car commercials featuring dads/daughters, crying because I loved my friends so much.

Experiences, which I already love to give in lieu of stuff.

My favorite Alex Rodriguez story: that he might have paintings of himself as a centaur.  https://deadspin.com/5394232/a-rod-news-from-the-you-cant-make-this-stuff-up-department

I found a much better one for 45.00.

Never heard of Brother Nature (because I am an Old), but this is Reason 4,009,736 that I am glad social media wasn’t around when I was a youth. Not because I was spewing bigoted hogwash, but because there are no lasting secrets on the Internet, not even that dumb shit you did as a pre-teen. It can come back to haunt…

I thought someone whittled a corpse bride out of a log.

In fairness, less-than-refined Brits, including Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear fame, refer to semen as “gentleman’s relish,” so it’s probably a really good idea to rename that sandwich anyway.

So as not to offend anyone it will now just be called “Stinky Fish Ooze”.

Fishy smelling substance referred to as “gentleman’s relish” sounds like a prank to gross out non-natives.

Frozen supermarket pizza is more than just a food though; there needs to be a feeling of sadness, despair or shame to go along with it to truly drive home the experience.