I swear I thought two or three (maybe four?) years ago that there was a Marvin Gaye biopic in the works starring Jesse Martin. Did I just imagine that?

Hmm. I guess some people are just generally not comfortable with skin-to-skin in general? I was kind of like that before I was a parent - I also didn’t like hugs. Now I feel like I’m deficient in every single vitamin and mineral if I don’t touch cheeks with my kid and squeeze him once a day. He is a total physical…

My sympathies to Meghan for being strapped with a father with narcissistic traits. He actually said in the interview that Harry and Meghan asked him not to talk to the media early on. And they explained to him that all talking does is drive up the market for you. So of course he still went on to sell photos, ring up…

So Paulo Branco is the man who killed The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. Honestly this is more of an absurdest art piece at this point or perhaps the cinematic version of Duke Nulem Forever... Not sure which yet.

How awesome would it be if the show went back to its Vertigo roots, full-on dark and adult now that it’s on Netflix?

Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he was cancelled.

Music by Jenny Lewis and Florence and the Machine?

I’m a former TV producer and I’ve done four shows for Bravo and just so you know the process, the production company puts the show together and then it goes through anywhere between 3 and 10 rounds of notes with the network. They had multiple opportunities to see those lines and say “they’re too mean, take them out”…

Live by Twitter, die by Twitter!!

The last food festival I attended was a chocolate and beer festival. The beer ran out almost immediately and the chocolate was close behind, what was left had huge lines all for a shot glass of beer and tiny square of chocolate. This was also the day Whitney Houston died. I went to the bathroom and overhead a teenage…

Look, sea bass and sharks have had it rough lately with the overfishing and getting hunted by humans. They shouldn’t be turned into slave labor like that.

Oh boy.

I don’t care how crass or bat-shit her blog postings were. If nothing genuinely current and disrupting is happening with her leave her alone. People want this Black woman to lose her job and career. I don’t.

To be fair, I should admit that I enjoy some Alaska the Last Frontier. I’m more angry about the way it’s completely taken over what used to be exclusively entertainment networks.

Maybe Southwest should stop hiring racists and assholes? Just my first thought on it.

Fake Christianity seems to be our chief export.

In fanfic Philip and Stan would be gay lovers.

Sounds right. Also liberal use of the melodrama sting (dum dum DA dum).

Jesus, just hire some fucking writers and come up with a real idea, ffs!

THANK YOU. I had no idea there were so many insane germaphobes in the Onion offices