My friend had gone to the bathroom and the kiss cam focused on me and her husband. His face turned bright red and he froze like ice (because as much as I love his wife that bitch is crazy and we’d both be in trouble for even a fake/cheek kiss) so I picked up his hand and made it hi-five mine.

My sister almost married a Frenchman that my family and many of her friends swore was gay. He ended up being a total cad and slept with so many women that we lost count. Now we always play gay or European.

I’m a very small, very cute white lady and I find that people almost intentionally crowd me on streets, like someone little doesn’t need to walk or have a bubble of space. Do your friends experience the same crowding that you do?

Never mind I just saw Mallards...

Plus ducks.

I had a gay cat. Not joke he would try to hump his best friend cat across the street even after getting fixed, and when his male best friend cat died he refused to eat or play and soon died afterwards.

But she probably shouldn't be allowed to drive or work in certain fields anymore if that is her reaction to her phobia...

I got carded while buying a lighter. Prior to carding me he asked ‘you’re over 18, right’ and didn’t believe me when I said 32. I was kind of flattered at first (because I definitely see some changes from when I was 18) but then he said ‘woah! Good job. You’ve maintained yourself really well. I would never have…

Scar-jo’s. At least until Ryan and Blake’s baby gets a nose job. They both had terrible noses but did amazingly well with a little bit of surgical help.

It never really occurred to me that this might be an issue so I posted pictures of me and my friend’s daughter after a weekend of babysitting. I used the same criteria I used when I posted photos of the mom and myself (looks cute, funny or meaningful for some reason, could not be used to embarrass or shame down the…

I had a false positive several years ago and asked the nurse (doctor? I don’t remember) something to the effect of ‘how do I do this?’ meaning ‘how do I set up my abortion?’. Her response was to immediately go into a lengthy description of prenatal services. I almost had to shout ‘I do not want a baby, I am her…

It’s not the same (obviously) but when my mom was actually dying of terminal cancer she told my dad she gave him ‘her blessing’ if he found someone ‘he loved and helped him through this’ because she had not been capable of any intimacy (and was really more of a patient than wife) for a few years at that point. My…

‘Sexless marriage’ ‘we are just married for the kids’ or any iteration of ‘my ex is crazy/bitch/liar’ are automatic warning signs that he is not a cool guy.

I know this is old but there's a dog in Beetlejuice that causes the original Barbara and Adam crash.

When applying mix a tiny bit of your regular face lotion with the retin-a. It spreads smoother and keeps skin from flaking out too much. I had similar concerns and that what my derm told me to try.

I LOVE the color and staying power (benefit push up) but hate the applicator. How is it supposed to blend in to the inner corners? I’m a fucking Dynamo with all liquid and or gel liner applicators and liners brushes but that one just seems to stymie me.

I haven’t counted yet but I cursory glance indicates 30-40 brushes. I’d estimate 10-15 for face/foundation/blush and an absolutely disgusting amount for eyes 20-25. I was starting to feel wasteful with all these 5 or 6 brush posts.

I miss my mom for one billion and one reasons but really I miss her for the occasional ‘oh I wish I had more spending money’ purchases or the rare but still beloved ‘I’ll help you make this gigantic life purchase because I’m so proud of you’. I never felt more alone or untethered to life as when I lost my mom.

I have several friends and friends of friends who are nurses and it absolutely terrified me that they were in charge of caring for people. But when my mom was sick we had some amazing nurses...I think it kind of depends on where they work and what departments they are in, if that makes sense?

I thought a few of them were very pretty prior to makeup, granted the style the makeup was done in is not my favorite so I might be a little negatively biased, but some of them were surprisingly average looking (by which I mean not unbelievably or otherworldly beautiful). I can see why some of the women would feel…