Nooooooooooooooooooooo! And side note, ever since I read a review that referenced Chris Martin sounding like someone is grabbing his balls when he sings, I can't unhear it. Sky full of stars, I think I see [high pitch] youuuuuuuu ooouuu oooou weeeee oooouuuu [/high pitch]

How did our police become autonomous little armies?

Sorry it took the gifs being shared at the other Gawker sites for anyone at Gawker to give a shit about Jezebel.

I was never a star and I don't even care. Thank you guys. Onward my gray comrades!

Notice how there is now an extra latch on their freezer thanks to this smart furball.

I'm really glad my cat is too fat for these kinds of aerobatics. Because this is definitely something he would try to do.

Idea: Take a picture of yourself with a box of Frosted Flakes.

This kitty has the 'A-Team' song in his/her head every step of the way in this video.

I read Jezebel + Gawker almost daily, and I had no idea this was going on - so 1) you guys are obviously doing a good job of timely, aggressive purging, and 2) I am so grateful for that.

lol YES I was like "What's the deal with all of these exotic animal photos?" There are a few other themes I noticed…

Let me be clear: When I say that a secret treasure room may be the best birthday present ever, I don't mean to say that it is the greatest birthday present ever for a four year old, I mean that it is the greatest birthday present ever, full stop. You know, in case anyone reading this is wondering what to get me for my…

I'm comfortable in saying this would apply to 99.9% of things that go on Rhianna's smokin' hot bod.

"I'm not interested in female superheroes so I'm going to assume that everyone else is an asshole like me." Fixed that for you, bud.

There are several strong possibilities — Silver Boob, Boob Cat, Knockers, Firetits and Spider-Gazongas, to name a few.

No three humans were the same.

It seems like a lot of women are not in fact in relationships and still don't use condoms.

It's like the bond of fellow POWs; it's too painful to reminisce, but it's reassuring to share.

I have said it before, and I will say it again, she is probably on birth control, and after a while, that shit can just sap your sex-drive to nothing. And the sad thing is, you don't even know it is happening until your partner brings it up. You walk around not ever thinking about sex, and feeling like your idiot…

"She wasn't really that far off the mark, to be honest. I don't care whether it's a man or a woman. I just date the most famous option—like Amber Heard."