"Can we just get a pretzel instead?" Allen asked. "You like pretzels."

Guess she can pretend after all!

I met my husband on Facebook (note: this was in 2005 when FB was still just for colleges and before it had the "mutual friends" feature). Literally one night I thought to myself "I want a boyfriend!" So I went on Facebook and did a search for guys in my university (over 40,000 students...) who had the word "Music" in…

My father introduced us at a hockey game. I hate even typing/saying that.

Stewart showed a clip of a slack-jawed Fox News pundit asking, without a hint of humor: “Do the American people really want another four, eight years of the Clintons and their weird marriage?”

i will keep posting this until it comes true

But remember this important piece of advice:

Yep. Australians. Married mine. A+, highly recommend.

Oh god yes. Out of all the commonwealth states, Scots and Australians are the best to pick up (at least in my gay experience).

VERY TRUE. GREAT ADVICE

My husband says that me pulling my card out on our first date and saying we’d split the ticket said more about me than the entire date itself. I tell him that him being okay with it did the same for me.

I give my husband a little pat on the tushy after I buy him something pretty. That way he knows I'm emasculating him.

...there’s nothing more emasculating than a woman pulling out her credit card.

My husband's hair is shorter then mine but we shed about equally. Throw in the cats and it's equal opportunity Nature's Carpet everywhere.

If we, as a nation, can raise $862,000 in a day to cater a hypothetical gay wedding with hate pizza, I’d like to think that we could afford $5 million per year to not further cause harm to rape victims.

I can't believe I missed this. I have one of the best horrible honeymoon stories from my first wedding:

"Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits.…