oof. me too. i also have jacked sleep cycles, so short periods of sleep leave me just as disoriented and weird as i would be if someone slapped me awake mid-rem.

uuuuughghhhhh... i grew up in hyde park, i still live in hyde park, but if i ever hope to own a home, i'm going to have to do that.

burt, i don't know how long you've been gone from austin, but i'd rather live in WilCo than have my house haunted by UT frat boys. there's NINE of them living in the stealth dorm recently built next door. here's what my new year's eve looked like:

or "harriet jones, mp."

that's basically my response to urgent morning sex requests! i have zero sex drive until my brain is fully awake, and that can take an hour or two. i expect concessions to be made for me too, but i've definitely offered to just lay there if my partner's morning wood is that serious.

marry me.

ah! i've missed you, comtesse.

i came to leave this very gif. well done.

that was, hands down, my favorite dirt bag item.

i worked for this guy for quite a while. while the show may have been edited (like all reality tv) to maximize titillation (rimshot), i can assure you that nothing in this episode was out of the ordinary. other than doug hanging out in the restaurant, that is. he doesn't generally have that much one-on-one interaction…

i worked for this guy for a long time. this episode may have been heavily edited to maximum titillation (like all reality tv), but i can assure you, nothing in this episode was out of the ordinary.

so.. i worked for this guy. not at bikini's, thank god, but as a bartender/ manager at another of his austin bars.

merry fucking christmas, indeed. i'm pretty stunned at all of the people supporting this twit based on their own distaste for shallow small talk. no fucking shit, assholes. no one likes small talk. it is inherently awful. but you grow the fuck up and answer your grandparents (or aunts or cousins or who-the-fuck-ever)…

oh god. the combination of this hangover + the fact that that puppy is a dead ringer for my sweet girl has left me a weepy mess.

i didn't realize how much i loved this song until i'd seen the video. ke$ha's mermaid hair! obsessed. inexplicable swimming pig! amazing. pitbull's david caruso impression! sweet jesus.

and when you order that drink, tip your flight attendant. Cash. 10-1 you'll get a few drinks free.