Not to mention the chafing.

Theory: Anne Hathaway was crying out of guilt for stealing a bunch of jewelry from backstage. She's pretty method, but not great at hiding her shame.

Get out more. Watch more stuff. Trust me, you'll find much stupider things in this world than a dramedy about delinquents who get super powers from a weird storm.  For example, 99.999% of what's on E! or TLC.

Every time someone refers to any episode of Lost as "one of the best episodes of television", Omar from The Wire shakes his head and says "Nah."

I dunno. Might make the character work harder to pull off. I kinda like how Don DeMello looks in my imagination, based on Andy Daly's voice.

See you next year, Sean. Get drunk, get laid, eat too many waffles.

I haven't watched Unforgetable, but in every commercial I've seen, Poppy Whatsherface seems to be wearing a black tanktop. I can only assume she keeps forgetting to do the laundry, what with all the stuff she's remembering…about MURDERS.

Whatever gets you through the long, dark, cold night.

We weren't trying to amuse people, or "spread joy", or any of that bullshit. We were trying to frighten strangers, and make ourselves laugh, and maybe meet girls. This hippy dippy flashmob bullshit is all about flowers and rainbows, and unicorns that fart gliter.

Reading comprehension ain't your thing, huh, cupcake?

We 'bout a zoo man / Don't let it get you blue, man / Gonna empty the trash cans / By the lion's cage

That movie…to this day, I can't use the words "bundle" or "bundling" without giggling like a schoolgirl.

Misanthrope Max tested poorly.

What size is Morgan's schlong? Super? I'll bet it's super sized.

One can only hope that his next book is about reality TV "stars" and other manufactured celebrities.

Seriously. The "clown businessmen on a bus" gag alone was far and above anything Improv Everywhere could conceive of, and that was tame. We'd dress in business suits and clown makeup, carry briefcases, and all wait at different bus stops along the same route, at rush hour. At some point, at least seven of us would be…

I…okay?

I didn't like it because I don't give a shit about sports, Christians, or Tim Tebow. The best part of the sketch was Sudekis, but he's often the best part of anything on SNL lately.

If you're skimming, and you just see "game", "trailer" and "HBO", and then you watch this…let's just say I thought "Game of Thrones" was taking a MAJOR left (right?) turn.

There will be a dragon in part two. Pinky promise.