This:

Suddenly, restaurants with no cell phone policies make sense.

FAKE!

And plus no one would ever need watch the Hallmark Channel. Ever again.

Yes. Yes they would. I was so hopeful there for a second and then...dashed. Back to binge watching the Office to celebrate the completion of the world's very worst eBook ever. Hands down.

Two of the most overlooked dangers in Death Valley are the dust and the wind. When combined with temperatures that sap your strength, you can easily be overcome by a dust storm coughing fit. Once you go down, you're not coming back up.

The bigger question: Who the hell is Lo Bosworth?

I am nervous about the Giver. I hope they did it justice.

I hope she gets enough for a good therapist and college as well. This poor child.

I just had a ghastly thought: funerals. Coffins. Services. That shit is expensive. He killed them and now the survivors will be spending lots of that money just to bury the dead.

Yeah. Duh. Which is why I said that.

That poor girl. We should have some organization that cares for people in these situations. Something like "here's all this money to help you get by the rest of your life and here are 10,000 people that have volunteered to hug you all at the same time and puppies."

You might've gone to school with a girl who lived down my street when I was a kid. She told us things like, "This is my nicest house!" when another kid leaned his bike up against the side of her garage, which was apparently going to damage the house. She claimed her parents owned multiple houses, they just liked that…

My freshman year roommate lied about being on the college soccer team, having a vineyard in Italy, a private jet, being in dance classes with Paris Hilton, growing up in NYC, having a deadly disease where she needed daily shots, and the biggest...she made up a twin sister.

Yes! Vodka loved me!

I'm sure alcohol thought you were a great roommate!