But why are they apologizing? I'm so confused. Isn't this what tabloids do? Like I feel like the story here is less about a tabloid making shit up and more about the fact that a tabloid apologized.

"We also apologize for including paparazzi photos of Ms. Perry that had been taken with a long lens while she was having a private function at her home."

LOL at "irrespective of their color." Must be nice.

/sadly resets the "DAYS WITHOUT AN EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT MY HOME STATE" counter to zero

Shouldn't a boy who got a girl pregnant also be exhibiting poor "discipline" by this same reasoning and also be prohibited from class?

American (of all races) and Korean women have both needed a ton of fortitude to see them through what history and culture tossed at them, as have women from other countries. It is not a contest but a sisterhood, no?

Stassa, hon, you're working way too hard here. All you have to do is put up a post every couple of days titled "Justin Bieber is Still Kind of a Fuck-Up," fill the body of the post with lorem ipsum, and let the comments roll in. We'll handle it from there.

You mean doctors have been subjecting women to painful, invasive procedures for absolutely no reason for YEARS?

Oh, please. As if the English don't laugh at our accents.

I was late to work once because I saw a woman standing on the side of the road holding up a dog Lion King style. I drove past her, realized the scene was really, well, weird, and turned around and went back to ask if everything was okay. She told me her dog was acting 'wrong' and she wanted to take him to a vet but…

I make monogrammed thermoses, I AM THE PIE.

In college, I once called a professor and told him I would be missing class because someone had stolen all the wheels off my car.

My best friend had organised to meet a dude she'd met on MySpace. She was well nervous and asked me to chaperone in case he was a murderer. My boyfriend was on call to provide a bail out excuse if needed.

Yo everyone else in history, zooropa is real happy for you and is going to let you finish, but George Bush had the greatest dumb excuse of ALL TIME.

I am totally stealing this for everything.

This isn't really dumb, but I was at my finest and sneakiest as a third grader when I would get this weird rash from the cold Winter air outside (idk, still happens, v odd) so I would go to the nurse for Benadryl after recess.

Benadryl has never made me sleepy, but since they knew that was a potential side-effect my…

"Iraq has weapons of mass destruction."

When I was in eleventh grade, my depression was getting out of control. I was actually about two months away from a suicide attempt, but obviously didn't know that yet. I was taking chemistry with an evil teacher who clearly hated students and was just waiting for full pension. He was a bully to his students and I…

My brother and his (then) wife were already in town for our wedding. They were staying in the same hotel as my parents and my sister and all the other wedding guests. Come the wedding, though, they were a no-show and had checked out of the hotel. Asked for an explanation, he said "I forgot where the wedding was taking…