Don’t forget the socks up to their knees.

Biggest letdown—no messenger bunnies.

If I ever spoke to my mother the way Harris spoke to Roseanne, my teeth would have been knocked down my throat. Hell, even at 42, I still wouldn’t even think of talking to my mother like that. She can’t move that fast these days, but I’m still dumb enough to walk over there when she says, “Come here.”

Yeah, as far as I know, a lot of kids have two accounts for just about everything. One for their parents and one for their friends where they post the real shit.

Yup. I can’t remember which episode, but I saw it within the last week during a Roseanne marathon on TV Land.

Down the block from Sam Clam’s Disco.

It looks as if she photoshopped her face into each one.

Ugh, it’s like reading Huffington Post comments when people can’t recognize sarcasm.

In the 90's Howard Stern played an Onion Radio clip about a beautiful Area Couple who had an ugly baby. I wish I could find that.

Goddamn you Kinja! Trying to edit or delete...

I think that Mick genuninely didn’t know that Muslims don’t eat pork. Hence, him asking Zari if she was Jewish.

Every time I hear that song, I can only think of John Valby’s version of it.

Ah, the old fox news send off. Either there’s no more time, the anchor starts talking over the guest, or the guest’s mic is turned off. I saw them do that to a meteorologist years ago when the tornados were hammering the midwest one right after the other. The Meteorologist (who worked for a fox affiliate) said we…

My mother believes it because fox news told her so.

It’s only a matter of time til someone makes a porno with the Eddie The Eagle costume.

As his skid mark laden underwear fall to the floor...

At least she watches that and not fox news all day long like my mother.

Very true. She could’ve been in line to be his next wife.

He may have committed adultery but just hasn’t been caught.

I had bought a Tagamachi on a whim at the mall. OK. I was drunk, too. I kept it alive for over 6 months by taking care of him while I was stuck in traffic on my hour long commute to work every day, and at the bar at night.