I seriously want to throw dictionaries at the “I believe in equality. I am a humanist” camp. Egalitarianism. That’s the word you’re after, guys.

my favorite dumb blonde joke response is from national treasure dolly parton. when asked if dumb blonde jokes bother her, dolly said, not at all. cause first, i know i’m not dumb, and second, i know i’m not blonde.

My high school started having random sniff checks of water bottles in class after some kids were caught drinking vodka out of them

FIFY...

There are apps out there that challenge you with tests before you’re allowed to call or text certain people, or use certain apps. I had one on my phone after my last breakup. Man, did it save me some embarrassment.

Until this app includes a breathalyzer that automatically shuts down your phone, it can fuck right off.

I understand exactly where these parents are coming from. Our daughter had everything going for her when she graduated high school. She went to college, got addicted, and has lost everything as a result. She’s ruined her health, her mind, her relationships, and her future. She stole from everyone, got arrested, has…

I have roughly the same interest in becoming a parent as mongooses have in hanging out with snakes but holy crap this guy.

when are we going to stop thinking it’s funny to make fun of a pregnant woman’s body/her obvious discomfort with her pregnant body just because we’ve decided she’s someone who isn’t worthy of basic decency?

Notice how there is no context to this staggering number of 11.5 million sick days. When compared to the workforce population it is less than one day per year per worker. This is bullshit science writing at it’s best.

Yep, I take sickies when I want to stay home and get a root from my husband, or binge watch television, or get drunk. Not for hangovers, not ever.

Do you feel morally superior and self-righteous enough yet? Enough with the pile on. You also need to chill the hell out.

How is fammly formed?

Wow. All that for a very obviously tongue-in-cheek comment. It's gonna be a hard landing when you fall off that high horse. Chill the hell out.

Why do people need to DO anything whilst pooping? Just- poop and get off, no? I thought only guys did this. I don’t get it all! Explain it to me, the fast pooper. My son is impressed by how fast I am :)

I am actually extremely proud of my poops because I take fiber pills daily (for no real reason except so I can have Proud Poops), so they are super quick and well formed and usually not very smelly (as far as poop goes). FIBER FOR EVERYONE.
So I don’t need a smartphone because I’m in an out in the time it takes me to…

I was born in 1989 just like Taylor (I’M LIKE HER QUEER MIXED RACE TWIN, OMG) but I just want to state that each of her albums took about two years to make, and so the timeline for her age and the songs she wrote goes like this:

If someone told me in 1995 that Whitney Houston would be found dead in her bath tub with drugs in her system and her daughter would die a couple years later in the same way, I never would have believed it.