Halsey: Proof that just because you can sing loudly doesn’t mean you can sing well...

When I was in middle school I would jerk off to the VS catalog.

I took advantage of their “How Much Do You Spend on Amazon Each Year” reports, added it all up, figured out a monthly amount, and in 2019 my goal is to cut that in half, if not more. #releasethespreadsheets 

I refuse to get an Alexa, opting instead for Google Home.

I hate Amazon wholeheartedly. Would love nothing else than to not give them a single cent.

Funny how we’ve been doing these briefings for almost 100 years and this administration is the first one to feel the need to issue restrictive rules of conduct.

Vicki Consiglio is complaining about a Bojangles!? Burn her.

The article explains some of it, but it was largely arranged as a result of a state law passed earlier this year which allows them to do it if the vote comes out in favor. It’s bullllshit.

“I DECLARE [SHENANIGANS]!!!!!”

PF Changs is what provincial white people think Chinese food is. Sorry...I call it like I see it. The beef lo mein is tasty, though.

“I kept seeing all of these places like Bojangle’s, Waffle Houses, dollar stores, and all this going up in our county,” Vicki Consiglio, chair of the Committee for the City of Eagle’s Landing, told City Lab. “And I was like, why can’t we get a Cheesecake Factory, or a P.F. Chang’s or a Houston’s?

Read this story with a growing sense of horror throughout at the complete disaster it’ll cause. But for me, the bit that sums it up the most is this quote from the woman who’s responsible:

Proposed as a 28th Amendment to the Constitution: No white shenanigans. Should “shenanigans” be called, a vote shall be taken among all affected minorities. If the call is confirmed, the shenanigans shall be cancelled and all white folk in the relevant area shall be disenfranchised for a period of ten years.

It’s not about Cheesecake Factory though right, like that’s just the thing they can say in (what I will call, for lack of a better word) polite conversation.

First of all, “Cheesecake Factory”? How much more basic can you possibly be? Second, there’s a “Cheesecake Factory” in my suburban southern California city and it’s not like I’m rolling around in Benjamins on my bed. Third, if you absolutely insist on being racist, hold out for something better because what you’re…

I am actually Team Davidson on this one. He was clearly making a dumb joke about his bad luck in love and the fact that their engagement was the literal definition of a media circus (and referenced several times on SNL already). Her clapping back just ... doesn’t sit right with me.

I refuse to believe that Justin Timberlake has interesting enough sex to need a safe word.

He likes the smell of her in the morning?

When he called J Simp “sexual napalm” was that a compliment, like, she’s so hot she destroys me or was it an insult, like, she is like death in bed?

Given that we're on the actual day, I guess I'm a little late with this, but I do actually have two invaluable tips (not jokes, real ones) to add.