Actually for a band like that, "learning an instrument" would be entirely optional. Just pick something twee and obscure; bonus points if it's cumbersome, difficult to hear, or barely even "musical."

"Beardsley Sulkingham and the Coffee Shop Sads"

Electric Six FTW!
FIRE IN THE DISCO! FIRE IN THE TACO BELL!

It was even more embarrassing when Hagar would try that shit on later albums. SHUT UP DUDE WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!!!

"the other two guys have the personalities of toilet seats"

Did you ever see Dr. Rockzo's music video? Where he's skiing down a mountain of cocaine & stuff? The song sounds STRAIGHT outta the DLR solo (Eat 'Em and Smile/Skyscraper) catalog. Brendon Small absolutely nailed that sound. (Probably because he's an old-school shredder with a deep appreciation for the genre.)

Kuh-kuh-yayuh!

Truth. That's a fairly dark record.

"I'll Wait" was written by Eddie. Lyrics and all. That's why it sounds more sincere than Dave's stuff. In fact, if I remember correctly from an interview I read back in the day, Dave HATED that song. (Dave actually hated all keyboard-based VH songs, believing that people wanted to hear Eddie play guitar not…