It’s like every day the world wants to give me a new thing to fear that I hadn’t even considered.

I care enough about grammar that I even use semi-colons in drunk texting.

Oh the usual. Speaking. Existing. Leaving the house. Speaking (again).

“one scoop of Lactaid each! try not to have any fun!”

it’s a necklace for your chair because life has lost all meaning

God, now people have to pay attention to what their kids like and treat them like individuals!?

They are stupid, yes.

Jesus tapdancing Christ... How do you manage living on that island? Everything is trying to kill you AND waffles “aren’t a thing”?

Most men are cool about stuff like that. Some aren’t. We call those guys “rapists.”

I am an Overly Ambitious Five Year Old

My Ears Are Too Fat - How I Learned To Love Them Anyway

Exactly. Why, why, why are we filling up our jail cells with people who commit nonviolent drug offenses, while creeps like these can get away menacing others without any sort of meaningful punishment. I mean come the fuck on.

I immediately rushed to see my boo’s (Megan Rapinoe) cover and it was great, as predicted, but then Abby Wambauch’s cover hit me in the gut and now I’m crying at my desk.

I’d rather get a multi-million dollar salary than a cover photo, which is what the male players will take comfort in.

me rn:

Mexico’s President, Enrique Peña Nieto, has called the escape “unfortunate.”

I’m laughing so hard from your comment that tears are streaming from my eyes. In fact, I’m crying so hard that I’m leaving a trail.

Redskin is a slur. Seminole is an actual group of people who agreed to let FSU use their name.

I thought Fox News was all bimbos on the far right...

“I’ve spoken with Native Americans across this great country. Two, in particular, really resonated with me. Their names were Tibia and Fibula from the Snapcreek Nation, and they just shattered me with their enthusiasm for the name. Absolutely cracked me up.”