I went to a wedding where the minister blessed the groom's sperm.

I never should have married the former Mr Crumpett, but I thought I wanted it nonetheless. Ex-Mr C is a misanthrope, and he wanted our wedding to be an elopement to a town in Vermont that had much sentimental value to us both. Then Mama Crumpett said she had to be there, so she and my dad were coming. Then ex-Mr C's…

My mother-in-law, when my husband's friends told her that she looked pretty, said, "I think I look pretty good for my age. [they nod in agreement] Then how come none of you wanted to fuck me when you were in high school?"

But at least we have Dom.

Why is that whenever someone (usually a POC/a woman/or a youth) gets praise for being eloquent there is always a comment in a rush to dismiss their eloquence and attribute to someone else. I never really notice this happening when WMs write something halfway literate.

My whole attitude regarding Game of Thrones.

So at this place, everything tastes like ham?

"Character is what you show when no one is looking"

If only so we could have avoided the huge blow up where his mother and father decided to show up to our wedding in jeans and windbreakers, (after the attire was clearly listed on the invite.) Luckily, I foresaw this coming after they did it at a funeral and told them that they were changing in to the spare clothes we…

Getting divorced on Valentine's Day — now that's an idea I can get behind.

Yes! When we first started dating, my now-husband/then-boyfriend called and left me message of him singing a cheesy love song on my answering machine. It was sweet and touching and personal.

Asked why she had not provided more detail about the discovery, which might have quelled suspicions, she said: "I am a lawyer, not a celebrity. The focus should be on the gift Harper Lee is giving the world."

So much for these dolts proclaiming that they are the real defenders of the US Constitution, which was written by God, don't you know. They are the worst human beings.

Your FEET had their own TIARAS. This is instantly added to my list of life goals.

Okay, okay... I know I'm totally crashing the party here, but I was pretty proud of my bridesmaid shoes. Bride said shoes had to be yellow—I found these bad boys:

Ankle boots with gold stiletto heels made in the same lace as my dress.

Ugh, men are so lame. I wanted to do the exploding fist after we kissed and Mr. was all like "This is a wedding, let's be normal for once." Pft. :)

I made my shoes! I took an old pair and decopaged some comic book pages to them so they were cute and snazzy and on theme!

I like using this place to vent about work, but today I'm just going to talk about how much I love my co-workers and management for this:

I honestly couldn't believe she said that. It's been 5 years and the memory still makes me rage.