I'm having trouble making my thought process dumb enough to imagine what he's even trying to say.

Have you ever noticed that right wing loons decide they want to secede instead of move? I think that's such a perfect representation of who they are, when liberals are like 'fuck it, I'm out'.

I like to pretend she's comparing her failed relationship to the alluring danger of taking ecstasy while scuba diving.

I think the fact that the African American woman here is instantly recognizable as FLOTUS and a Princeton/Harvard-educated BigLaw partner shines a new light on the absurdity that was school segregation. Also, given Michelle Obama's enormous success, the photo asks the viewer to ponder how many similarly able women…

Cat shade. The worst kind of shade.

We're competitive, we're just not very good.

And Buckingham Palace doesn't have an all you can eat hillbilly buffet like Dollywood does. USA 1 - UK 0.

dolly will never die. DONT YOU SAY THAT!!!!!!! {curls into a ball & starts to cry}

As long as nobody interferes with me and my box turtle/life partner, I'm happy.

I'm gay & mostly Californian— where's my two spouses and a dog? I want my HUSBAND DOG.

Shouldn't somebody stop this? Amnesty International? The UN? The US?

Let them score a few so you don't get murdered on your way out of the stadium.

So did Brazil.

So, unless I'm completely misunderstanding the transitive nature of competitive soccer, I think we can safely conclude that the US had a better team than Brazil.

Are you implying you can use a stadium more than once? Madness...

Giant hamster wheels. Brilliant!

My 9-year-old refers to a boy she met on vacation and swam with one evening as her "ex." Jesus, no.

#NOTALLPIES

Thanks. It turns out I have the best friends in the history of ever, so I am very sad, but managing.