1) Person from Wisconsin here. We are everywhere, because there is nothing for us in Wisconsin. Doubly true if you're a creative person.

Oh I wasn't mad. Mildly annoyed. As someone who's maybe too much Italian, mad for me is "somebody restrain this person". Verbal diatribes are a cultural hallmark I'm trying to break. It's not easy.

I'm just trying to make a joke, here. I'm not diverting anything. Lindy is one of the most valuable writers on the Gawker network. Maybe you need to stop seeing enemies everywhere? Get a sense of humor? Stop caring about everything so much?

If you're walking down the street, clothed from head to foot without a bare patch of skin showing when a man runs up to you and declares "this person, sight unseen, is a racist", you may not in fact be a racist.

What about people who say "I am an asshole"?

Coke is wining over heroine? Xanax won over adderall? Quaaludes won over ketamine? Caffeine won over glue??

Where's Alaska?

Poppers illegal in Germany? I never knew that! Although when I was there I wasn't running around asking where to find poppers. Maybe I should - I've always wanted to be detained for my principles. Abusing lame drugs, in this case.

From the gutter I present to you a handy guide to illegal and legal intoxicants: