What the hell was wrong with LeBron?

So you’re saying that most people care at least a little bit about it? Sweet.

So I have a couple of pet peeves. One of them is when people say (usually in a sports context) something like “if he wouldn’t have thrown that interception, his team would have won.” No. No. If he HADN’T thrown that interception. This misuse of the conditional tense is extremely common.

That’s not the whole story, though. Serena would get waxed by the 200th-rated men’s player, and people (myself included) are riveted to her matches. (And it’s not because we want to see her in revealing clothing, either.)

This Twitter thread has an alternate theory which is way, way too well thought out.

His Texas teams didn’t exactly overachieve. Going 16-21 is not going to do wonders for your job security in Austin, no matter how bare the cupboard was.

Yes yes yes. That’s another one that most players do to some extent, but Thomas is especially bad about doing it.

That got pretty dark all of a sudden.

As a fan of neither Boston nor Indianapolis, here’s a hearty “shut the fuck up, no one cares” from me to you.

Yeah, remember when LeBron hit that huge go-ahead three in game 7? Or when LeBron played that lockdown defense on Curry during the next possession and forced a bad shot? His classless, coattail-riding teammates never could have pulled off anything like that.

Also it inspired “Up There” from the South Park movie:

First Time in Forever is great, especially the part in the movie where she puts herself into all the pictures. Also, the line “why have a ballroom with no balls?” is clearly an intentional double entendre, very apropos because the song is about how thirsty she is (“finally they’re opening up the gates”? I’ll say!).

I watched the first match of the Davis Cup quarter where he lost to some Australian chump (and that was the pivotal match, since Kyrgios was good for two more wins on his own) and let’s just say my next Twitter search was for “Jack Suck.”

Also for Tomi Lahren it should definitely be “and she turns them into white and white.”

Instant star for “Green Shirt.”

I guess “last two unsettled spots in the postseason” meant that 14 out of a possible 16 teams had already clinched playoff berths, but the actual spots are slightly more unsettled—the 1 and 2 seeds in the East are not yet decided, as well as the 4 and 5 seeds in the West.

The eyes of Texas are upon you, all the livelong day.

Weingarten also wrote a piece about the parents whose babies died from being left in their cars, which is absolutely devastating. It won a (deserved) Pulitzer in 2010.

Eh the Wizards are pretty good too this year. The 1-4 seeds are all within a few games of each other.