Just brilliant, JRA!

I think the proper term for his headgear is bataclava, not balaclava.

What would be great would be if Mr. & Mrs. Wayne arranged their estate so Bruce couldn’t touch the money, and had to continually convince his trust manager to buy this shit for him.

"...if BuzzFeed's constitutional cynicism were a body of water you could drop the fucking Burj Khalifa into it and be a breeze of dust motes on the far side of the universe before it hit bottom."

Man, I'm glad I'm a heathen who doesn't believe in hell, because I laughed so hard at that.

An atonement for a situation created by himself that could have been avoided because he is fucking god. But hey man, free will! Man this shit is really dumb.

9/11.

pfft, oligarchs and tyrants everywhere wish. I just meant to clarify that the Christian holiday is firmly rooted in the Judaic tradition, which probably has less than monotheistic roots in ancient spring fertility celebrations

Or Veronica, the Bible's towel girl. Never got a dinner.

Humblebragging about fasting pretty much defeats the (biblical) point of the whole thing. As I understand it, fasting is the denial of physical yearning in order to concentrate on a personal, spiritual connection. The quote I always heard growing up is "Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites…

Sometimes I put salmon on seder planks on the grill, really makes those filets pop, man!

Also it is different from being a vampire, because Jesus did not listen to the Sisters of Mercy.

Bingo. A grown adult should be perfectly capable of admitting when they don't know something and asking for clarification.

Treating tipping like a game of chicken ("Who's going to give the most of themselves first: The server lying prostrate for the diner's whims? Or the marvelously kind overlord who treats 19% as a Boy Scout-esque good dead for the day?!?") is ridiculous. If your server did a good job and treated you like a human (which,…

Nah, ask. Just pointing and trailing off is discourteous. If there's something you need the waiter to do (like, interpret the menu, or pronounce something for you), the polite and courteous thing is to ask the waiter to do it.

As my comically industrious grandfather once said, it all goes to the same place anyway. He was talking about the toilet, you guys.