@Stev D: Are you a manic pixie dream girl? Will I only realize this in the third act?

@roland_t_flakfizer: With magic.

@Randall Tex Cobb: Well you know the old saying:

@When_you_get_the_money_you_get...: The logical follow up with dating the four dollars sign girl is: "How long do you really intend on accepting help from your parents?"

@Stev D: STRONGLY AGREE.

@TrojanBrand: There is inevitability, and then there is apathetic resignation. Let's not confuse symptom and cause.

@NordoftheBlings: I am trying to imagine that, but this is all I could come up with.

@When_you_get_the_money_you_get...: Ever paint shingles on a house? Load up the brush and go on to the next.

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF NACHOS.

"Mr. Barrett would like to express his deep regret for the circumstances that that he has begun to experience due to the charges filed against him today."

"7. "If you don't bother me about frequency of intercourse, I'll look the other way with regards to your Fuck Yeah Tumblr habit. Fair?"

@DaOtterAgain: /oldie but a goodie

@blueshowedup: . . .the store and bought a stick of butter, loaf of bread and a quart of milk? #fairfieldstags

"Courtney was being subsidized $500 a month by her father five years ago"

@norbizness: ehhhhh, paul, you got any gum? #brookehundley

You have to keep cross runners on a short leash. First you give the stitching, and the next thing you know BAM! - shorts that hit the knee. #running

@AzureTexan: "As a starred narcissist, a level-one paranoiac and one of America's preeminent Luddites, I can't help but think that these comment changes are another attempt to silence me, possibly forever.

@Quintus Horatius Flaccid: Brew all-grain. 12 bucks a batch.

Needs more backwards "B".

@JohnnyDakotaStateU: Funniest joke of the day.